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Thursday, September 30, 2010

“Courage is the discovery that you may not win, and trying when you know you can lose.” -Tom Krause

Putting my self out there is a difficult thing to do. For those of you that personally know me you might find this shocking. But truthfully, being loud and funny and outgoing all the time is hard for me. Sometimes I want to be the quiet girl in the back that just laugh at the jokes being told. But deep down I know I would miss out on so many opportunities.

Courage. I don't think it means you can fight tigers with your bear hands, or stop a bus about to hit a small car. I think courage is speaking your mind. i give mad props to the person who is able to stand up and say "I'm not ok with how you treat me" "I hate the way you put yourself down" "I am amazing at what i you can put that in your juice box and suck it" "I Love you."

The world needs more courageous people. Be that person. But part of having courage is knowing the limits. Sometimes staying quiet is just as hard as speaking up. There has to be a balance, cause if everyone expects you to speak your mind everytime, then they'll always know what you're thinking. And sometimes...things should be left as an internal monologue. Not everyone wants to know that you think of your math teacher in a speedo.

Wednesday, September 29, 2010

“Only a brave person is willing to honestly admit, and fearlessly to face, what a sincere and logical mind discovers.” Rodan of Alexandria

I spend too much time thinking with my eyes open, I need to feel the world rather than see it.

This is my advise to myself...feel don't see. I suppose I can share it with everyone else. Maybe then everyone will be a little kinder to the elderly woman sitting next to them who drops her newspaper, or the person trying to hold open a gate and get their bike through at the same time, or maybe just maybe people will begin to say thank you...and mean it. We live in a busy world...a self focused world. I know there are people around me hurting, I mean truly hurting, yet i continue to focus on the pettiness that surrounds my life. I know that a simple kind word can make a person's day better, or a hug that makes a person cry can change their life.

There are so many people in my life that have changed me. As I sit and write tonight, that sole tear streams down my cheek, because i live a blessed life. I hope those of you reading can learn with me to become part of something bigger. Something Deeper.

I have a challenge for all of you, myself too. For one week-7 days write daily, anything...something...just let it be your own words. I don't care what it is you write. but when you do write, allow nothing to stop your flow. So many times I sit to write and I edit my thoughts. I silence myself. Don't let that constant judging attack you when you should be most comfortable with yourself. I will do all of this with you, and I will post it here. Lets do a little self discovery together. if you are feeling brave, even just for a split second share what you think...all judgment will be put aside. If you are uncomfortable doing so that's ok too, sometimes its necessary to hide your thoughts from the world, just don't hide them from yourself anymore.

I hope that by doing this, I find a better part of me buried inside, one that is able to look beyond my outer distractions and truly feel the world around me. But more so...I hope someone does this with me, and they find what they've been missing.

Love. Peace. Silence. Belief.

Wednesday, September 22, 2010

A Chicken Scratch Life Story

This is my world...The happy, the sad, the confusing, the jumbled, the fragments. These are my thoughts....simply me.

There is a place to begin and end...the in between is what you make of it. There is a time and space for a lack of originality, but as we float through the universe, each finds their own voice, a unique something worth being known for, worth living for.

Lost in the here and now because I'm focused on the tomorrow, the tomorrow that holds acceptable happiness, the conforming smile. Lost in the here and now, wishing for a yesterday that makes sense. It is all unattainable....everything. Yesterday, tomorrow...they're all just past or future today's.

Confused scramble, loss of words, likes and dislikes, all just storytelling without the pictures. One day my rambles will be heard and loved, and understood. One day the world will know me and my emotions. The character based on me, for me. Described in plain English, described for the masses, written for me.

No one will know it, no one will see it, no one will believe me. No lies, no smiles, just me, lost in a world she pretends to understand. The heartache, the wrong choices, the internal monologues spoken aloud, controversy worthy, no hidden meaning. No happy ending, if it even ever ends.

Play on words, play on meaning, music covering the hidden thoughts as she sits on the floor, penning out her possibilities.

Live, breathe, succeed, love.

A Chicken Scratch Life Story.

Tuesday, September 14, 2010

“The one who loves you will make you weep.” -Argentine

The idea of love is contagious, so is the idea of success, honesty, and contentment. Love, what is it? I don't think any definition does the word LOVE justice. Four little letters, one syllable, so many meanings. Love goes beyond affection, beyond passion, beyond sex.

I don't think that one could say that to show someone love is to surprise them with roses, buy them jewelery, and to fully support all they do. To me that isn't love at all. It might be that my idea of love is skewed, misshapen, or maybe that feeling i get isn't love at all and I just don't know it.

But for me love is the fighting, and the pain, and the nights where you're sick and that person who you love, and who loves you so much is willing to sit up with you while you sneeze and watch scooby doo.Love is knowing when to tickle a person and how they take their coffee.Love isn't just the smiles you share with each other, but it's about the way your hands fit together, and how you can see in their eyes that they had a bad day. Love isn't sitting through a chick flick for your girl, its sitting through a chick flick with your girl and being able to make fun of it cause you know no matter how upset she acts, she thinks you're funny.

Love is acceptance of ones true self, seeing a persons flaws and loving them more because of them. Love is that song you hear on the radio, maybe the backstreet boys (cause they always have a way of putting things), that makes you cry because it speaks right to your idea of love. There all of those cheesy love things that go around on social networking sites that say "loving someone is giving them the power to break your heart, but trusting that they'll never do it." Sounds poetic, sure. But is knowing the person you love will more than likely hurt you, and trusting they'll help put you back together.

Love is an idea, a changing, breathing, living idea. It does not come in one size or shape or one condition. Love SHOULD be like a language, not spoken for proficiency but rather for pleasure. Do not make loving someone a chore, or you will never be satisfied.