Day 100

So the set up for this will go as such...I will tell you about my "Diet", exercise, and then emotional work that I went through for the day.

STARTING WEIGHT: 199.6

DIET:
I had some struggles this morning with the food I was eating. I know it is a process so I cannot be too hard on my self right now. My goal is to eat clean for 100 days that means no fried food, no heavy oils or starches, and no sweets. I know that last one will be the hardest to beat but I have faith. The staff team that I work for here went to Ihop this morning/afternoon and I broke and had pancakes...I ate the eggs too and my portion was much smaller than normal. Then for dinner I had carrots, celery, a stirfry of veggies and spinach and fruit. I felt full and light, which is better than my normal bloated feeling I get after eating in the dining hall. I need to increase my water intake since one I live in Arizona and it's hot, but two water flushes crud out of your body. I like water so it shouldn't be hard.

EXERCISE: So today I wanted to go to the gym but never had time. Instead of using it as an excuse though I decided to do some cardio in my room tonight. It wasn't a lot and there is a really good reason for it. I am having a lot of back pain...so much that my doctor wants me to go to physical therapy, I did not notice how much it was limiting my movement till I tried to move. I finished my day with a 37 minute yoga video that deals with pain. YOGA TO GET RID OF PAIN. It hurt A LOT but I know if I stick with it the pain will leave and my range of movement will approve. I will now end every day with the yoga routine that way the pain will go away. Tomorrow I want to get over to the gym and elliptical for about an hour just to feel like I can move again. I do not want to start lifting any weights until I stop worrying about my back.

EMOTIONAL/MENTAL: This is the hardest part. I am fighting myself. I have years of bad habits built up and I can't expect to break them down in one day. I need time to rebuild myself and the good in me. I used to be a dancer and a softball player. I was flexible and moved a lot. I wasn't a fat kid...well I was but I was an active fat kid. I know I can do this. I have to break out of this. It hurts to see how weak I have let myself become. I don't want to die at an early age. I 'm not even 20 yet and I have chronic pain that I know my weight has contributed to. I have to beat this. And I want to put this there now YOU ARE GOOD ENOUGH TO DO THIS. I know along the way I am going to feel that I have not gained anything and that I have to stop and I can't do this, so I am putting it out there now to remind myself that I have to do this and I want to be stronger and I can't keep pretending that I am skinny and strong and healthy...because I am not. Not yet at least.